


Chesapeake

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-09
Updated: 2002-02-09
Packaged: 2019-05-15 03:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna's getting really fed up at Josh.





	1. Chesapeake

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

   


 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh. 

Carol was beginning to be concerned. Another nasty thud had just sounded from down the hall, and she knew that could not be good. She cringed as yet another thud echoed dully against the walls.

"Carol?" Her boss, CJ Cregg, leaned her head out the door of her office with a quizzical expression on her face. "Do you hear..."

"I hear it," Carol said, cringing again, "but I don't know what's doing it."

"Sam!" CJ called as the young Deputy Communications Director passed them. "Is there some sort of large animal loose down there?"

For a second Sam blushed furiously and gaped at the Press Secretary in shock \- then he realized she was talking about the banging in the hall. "Well, not really large," he said lamely, trying to cover his embarrassing misunderstanding. "Judging from the direction and amplitude, I'd say Donna's hitting something."

"Something, or someone?" CJ muttered, concerned. All had not seemed right lately in the office of the Deputy Chief of Staff. "Thanks, Sam."

Before Sam could turn to leave he was corralled by another young member of the White House staff. "I almost stopped by to visit Mr. Lyman, but it sounded like someone was being murdered in his office," Ainsley Hayes drawled nervously.

"You're not in junior high; his name is Josh," Sam admonished sarcastically. "And I think someone is being murdered in there."

"Should we...?" Ainsley gestured toward the war zone in question.

Carol's eyes widened. "Josh and Donna are having a fight and you want to go in there?"

"Josh is having a fight with his assistant?" Ainsley asked at the same time that CJ stammered, "What about Josh and Donna?"

Carol laughed at her boss's surprise. "Haven't you noticed how crazy they've been lately? Josh keeps putting his foot in it and Donna's been ready to explode for days."

"Oh," CJ sighed, relieved. "I thought you meant - another kind of fight."

This time Sam and Ainsley wore almost identical expressions of shock. "Are they... ?" Sam asked. Ainsley completed his sentence nonverbally by pointing a finger toward Donna's desk, then to Josh's office.

"No!" Carol exclaimed, laughing even harder. "Don't go starting rumors now. Josh is just being Josh, and Donna's getting fed up. I can understand that - I wouldn't want to be his assistant."

The faintest trace of a smile graced CJ's face. They didn't "bond" often, but she always appreciated hearing that Carol liked her.

They all winced as another thump, louder than the others, pierced the air. Sam straightened his tie, turned to CJ, and said seriously, "Cover me, I'm going in."

CJ snickered. "Sure thing, Spanky."

Ignoring Ainsley's combination amused-horrified look, Sam turned and stalked boldly into Josh's closed office.

The three remaining staffers froze. Dead silence ensued. No more thuds.

Five minutes later Sam emerged grinning. "I fixed it," he said happily.

"You what?" Carol asked skeptically.

He beamed at Ainsley. "I am, after all, the master."

She whacked him with a notebook. "I was just sucking up."

"Yeah, I know." He turned back to Carol and CJ and explained, "Donna was not, in fact, beating the life out of Josh. She was beating his computer, which apparently keeps freezing and eating files. Josh isn't even there. This does not, of course, excuse him from bearing the blame for the fact that his computer is old, his files aren't backed up, he's not here, his assistant is working on a Friday night, and there still isn't peace in the Middle East." Ainsley still looked a little worried, but CJ reassured her, "That's just Donna. You haven't really gotten to know her yet."

"Hey, you guys, what's up?"

Four figures swiveled slowly to stare at Josh Lyman, walking calmly toward them and apparently unaware that he was about to take his life into his hands.

And a huge thud bounced off the walls.

"Damn, I thought I fixed that!" Sam exclaimed.

"Fixed what?" Josh asked curiously.

For some reason, probably force of habit, all eyes turned to CJ. "Your computer," she managed to answer through her barely-concealed amusement. "Donna's having some issues with your files, apparently."

"And she asked Sam?" Josh asked, looking oddly hurt.

"Well, no," Sam replied. "Actually I kind of busted in there 'cause we thought she was killing you."

Josh winced and then heaved a huge sigh. "If I don't come back in an hour, call the National Guard," he intoned, heading toward his own door.

Ainsley watched him go, then turned to the other three. "You people are truly odd," she said calmly.


	2. Chesapeake 2

 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh. 

* * *

Josh Lyman approached his office door with understandable trepidation. When he finally worked up the courage to enter, he was greeted with the sight of his young assistant, Donna, glaring at his computer from a distance of about four feet. She was dangerously, frighteningly calm.

"Hi, Donna," he tried nonchalantly.

She raised one eyebrow and looked at him without moving. "Where have you been?"

"Um, meetings?" he said, sounding uncertain. Off her skeptical look he added, "Important meetings."

"Oh," she said sarcastically. "Well, while you were at your 'important meetings,' I was here, battling technology."

"How do you do that?" he couldn't help asking.

"Do what?" She was teetering on the brink of out-and-out rage and he could see it coming. Somehow he couldn't help himself.

"Make it sound like I've been negotiating the price of coffee with the vendor on the corner."

"Oh, I'm sure you were engaged in some thrilling discussion of great national import," she fairly hissed. "Which is clearly why you can't be bothered to update your files or save anything to disc - which I would have done oh, sometime before nine PM on a Friday night except that I've been busy stalling drunken Ukrainians!" Her voice had risen to a pitch that could surely be heard out in the hallway - as if CJ, Sam, Carol, and probably even Ainsley didn't have their ears pressed to the door anyway.

"Donna," he attempted, taking a conciliatory tone. It was the wrong move.

"Don't Donna me, Joshua," she lectured sternly. "It's bad enough I get used as a dupe whenever you need 'someone of absolutely no consequence' - and don't think I've forgotten that one - but I do not need to be here on a Friday night trying to undo your technological ineptitude!"

He couldn't help it. He really couldn't. His eyebrows shot up. "Wow, Donna, I hope you were angry when you took the SATs - it works wonders for your vocabulary."

He ducked as a throw pillow flew at his head at an alarming speed. He was beginning to worry. In their years of working together he had honestly never seen Donna so angry. He wondered whether this had been building for some time now, and had only come to a crux with his admittedly harsh comments earlier in the week. It was already apparent that teasing her out of her mood was not going to work - it seldom did, really, only made her sulky - nor was being nice to her. Josh chose to shout.

"Then what are you still doing here, huh?" he asked forcefully, taking a step back from her. "It's Friday night, your work here is done. You're my assistant; I no longer require assistance at this time. Get out, go home." She froze and he stepped back again, gesturing toward the door. "Go on, go!"

"So that's really all I am?" Donna asked, no longer shouting exactly but in a much higher pitch than usual. "A glorified secretary? Thanks Donna, but you've outlived your usefulness for the day, you're dismissed? That's it?"

"Is this about carpal tunnal syndrome?" he asked. It was definitely the wrong move.

"This is not about carpal tunnal syndrome," she replied quietly and tightly. "This is about you and me and our working relationship, and the fact that after three years you still see me as a piece of office furniture."

"You know that's not true," he said angrily.

"Prove it," she retorted. "Take me seriously, just once. Do you know how often you do that? Do you? Never!" She was almost back to throwing things, and he cringed in advance. "Do you ever even pretend to listen to me? Has it ever really occurred to you that I might have something intelligent to say?" She was being at least slightly unfair, and she knew it. She knew that Josh did listen to her, and the worst part was that deep down she knew he did value her. That made his complete inability to show it all the worse.

"Donna," he interrupted, "I listen to you all the time. I listened to you when you were..." He stopped speaking suddenly. His mind knew that he looked ridiculous, that only people in bad movies trailed off like that when they had something dramatic to say, but he couldn't help himself. He literally could not voice the thought in his head. He was too angry, too - something.

But she knew. She knew immediately what he was thinking, because she had been thinking the same thing herself from the other point of view. When she spoke, it was almost in a whisper. "How could you go back to the way things were after that?"

His mind flooded with images: Donna sitting beside his bed in the hospital, chattering on as always - except that when he'd really looked at her he'd seen the red-rimmed eyes, the tears waiting to be shed, the exhaustion and the misery. Donna in his apartment the day he'd come home and all the days after that, driving all the way from the White House to have lunch with him and catch him up on the doings of the office. Donna keeping other visitors at bay like a mother hen watching out for hawks. He'd seen her actions as the behavior of a concerned, if perhaps slightly overenthusiastic assistant. But then there was the night she'd let him outside, let the others come over. That night they were all just friends, and if anyone noticed that Donna was the only assistant present they didn't mention it. In fact, it was silently acknowledged that Donna had the power over the small gathering. That night, after everyone else had left and she'd fussed over him for another few minutes, making tea and checking everything fifty times, she'd suddenly turned and looked at him and her eyes had filled up. She'd rushed at him the way she had the previous Christmas after reading his message, thrown both arms around him and hugged him tightly. He'd been surprised, since even after he'd come out of surgery she'd refrained from such strong displays of affection. Pleasantly surprised, as he had been at Christmas. After all, he had a great deal of affection for Donna - he always had. He'd hugged her back that night, soothing her tears even as he closed his eyes and reveled in the warm human contact. They'd stood that way for a long time.

He looked again at his furious assistant and noticed that her eyes had begun to tear up. He had the feeling she wasn't going to hug him this time.

"Things aren't the same, Donna," he said gently but sincerely. "You're right. They can't be. But I had to pretend they were." He swallowed and added, "I think I'm trying too hard."

She shook her head. "I don't understand, you've lost me." Her tone was harsh and ironic, but her voice trembled.

"When I was hurt," Josh began tentatively, "you were always there. You were the one who made sure I was still alive day to day. It may have just felt like you were fetching lunch and doing my laundry, but I needed you more than I've had to need anyone in a long time. Can you understand that after that I needed to get back to normal?"

"Normal?" she echoed, unconvinced. "Normal is being cruel? That's normal to you?"

"I wasn't trying to be cruel!" he nearly shouted. "I was trying to put some professional space between us because I was uncomfortable with the fact that my assistant had to lift me off the couch for two and a half months and then I had to go back to being her boss and try to stop feeling helpless! I was trying not to need you twenty-four hours a day!"

She was caught and she knew it. Her anger had been replaced by a deep-looking sadness. "It wasn't enough to convince yourself you didn't need me; you had to convince both of us?" she asked quietly. "Never mind, don't answer that."

"Donnatella..."

"Don't." She held her hand up as if to ward him off, but the tears started to overflow her eyes. "I am not going to do this," she said, more to herself than to him.

He saw that he was close to winning, if only he could say exactly the right thing. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't," she repeated helplessly, turning away from him and wiping angrily at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Just leave me alone to behave like a child in peace, please."

"You're not behaving like a child; I was," he said gently. "You know what a selfish jerk I am. I really just thought it was business as usual around here. Really. I did. See what an idiot I am without you to keep me straight?"

Her shoulders heaved as she choked for air. "I always knew that," she said in an almost normal tone.

He smiled but carefully didn't laugh out loud. Instead he crossed the room slowly. "I never asked," he said softly, "if you were okay. I was so glad you weren't there to be physically hurt that after all these months it never occurred to me..."

There was a long pause. He didn't move.

"I was terrified," Donna whispered finally. He put a hand on her shoulder and she jerked away. "Don't. I don't need to be comforted, Joshua. It's over. What I need is your respect."

"You have that," he said - sadly? To his very great surprise there was a lump in his throat. He hated having Donna mad at him, but he'd come into the office feeling a bit amused at his eccentric assistant's latest antics. What an idiot he'd been. And the worst of it was that he had no idea how to get back what they'd once had. "Donna," he said. She turned around, shock in her eyes.

He knew why, but he couldn't explain because he was just as shocked. Her name had come out on a sob, a heavy choking explosion that was followed by tears he hadn't shed the entire time of his recovery. For a moment Donna could do nothing but stare in horror.

When it became clear that she was frozen, he knew he had to try to say - something. Anything. "I don't know what to do," he stammered through his tears. "I don't want to condescend to you, or ignore you, or hurt you - but I'm a selfish person and I need you. You're not a glorified secretary, you're my friend and I need you. And I don't even know why in the name of God I'm crying!"

She laughed, sort of. She took one tentative step forward, then seemed to reconsider. "Oh, hell," she said finally and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

He held onto her for dear life, trying to regain control of his breathing. "I'm sorry," he whispered, stroking her fair hair gently. "I'm sorry for the way I've been, sorry for yelling at you, sorry for the drama . . ."

She did laugh at that. "Okay, I'll take responsibility for some of the drama."

They pulled back and looked each other in the eye. "Are you okay?" Josh asked, brushing tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

She nodded, visibly trying to collect herself. "You?"

He nodded. "Actually, I'm surprised it's taken us this long to have that out."

"Should I have thrown myself weeping on your bed when you first woke up?"

He was glad to see her smile. "Yes, I think that might have helped. But, as I recall, you did bring me coffee once. I guess I should have taken that as a sign."

"Nah, I just thought they were going to fire you while you were down," she retorted quickly.

"If you really thought they were going to fire me you'd have put sugar in it."

"You were out."

"Donna, you were doing the shopping."

"I got the coffee, didn't I?"

"Sugar would have killed you?"

"Skis would have killed you?" she replied, grinning broadly.

"Yes!" he exclaimed.

"Okay."

He turned toward the door. "Sam, Claudia Jean, Carol, and God help you Ainsley if you're out there, this is your one-minute warning to get away from the door before it hits you in the face."


	3. Chesapeake 3

 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh. 

* * *

When Donna left Josh's office there was only one person in the hallway, and it was the exact person she would have betted on.

"Hi," she said somewhat coldly. "Get sick of the Democrats?"

"Actually, Sam wouldn't let me hide in his office and I couldn't make it around the corner fast enough," Ainsley admitted. She had seen the marks of tears still on Donna's face, and out of sympathy she ignored the other woman's attitude. "Um, I don't mean to butt in -"

"You don't?" Donna asked.

"Are you going to be okay?"

For a long moment Donna just looked at her. Anyone observing the scene would almost have thought they were sisters - the uncanny resemblance except for Donna's height, the identical defensive postures...

Finally Donna broke. The girl might be a Republican, and gorgeous, but maybe she hadn't given her much of a chance. "I'm fine," she said, shaking her head. "Silly argument."

"It didn't sound like it," Ainsley commented. Too late she realized her mistake. "I mean, from the way you looked when - oh, never mind."

"It's fine," Donna repeated. "It was a little thing."

"I saw the news," Ainsley blurted out as Donna turned to leave.

Donna turned back, slowly. "What?"

"I saw the news," Ainsley repeated. "The coverage - of the shooting - I was watching."

"You and the rest of America," Donna commented.

"No, I mean, I heard when they were talking about Mr. - about Josh, and I didn't know him then but I knew who he was and I heard all about his injuries and everything -"

Donna leaned against the wall and stared the other woman down. "And?"

Ainsley shrugged. "I'm just saying. If he were my boss I would have been worried too."

Donna nodded and turned to go again. "Well, he isn't," she tossed over her shoulder.

"No, he's definitely your problem," Ainsley said. Donna turned yet again and the two women looked each other in the eye. Something passed between them, a quick moment of sending and receiving signals. Donna raised an eyebrow. Ainsley gave her a half smile. Donna nodded. Message received. Maybe Ainsley wasn't so bad after all. For a Republican. She turned and actually left this time.

"Donna?"

Well, almost. She was halfway down the hall when Ainsley called her. "Yes?" she asked testily.

"What is Josh doing in there?"

Donna actually smiled. "Waiting. So we didn't both leave at the same time."

Ainsley smiled back. "Nice try."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When he first heard the knock on his door, Josh paid it no attention. He actually didn't hear it at all, or if he did he thought it was another crash of thunder coming a little closer than the others. But eventually there was a momentary lull in the December storm outside and he heard the impatient pounding on his outside door.

"I'm coming!" he yelled over the thunder, knowing full well the person outside probably couldn't hear him. "As if you care whether I answer you anyway," he muttered under his breath as he crossed the apartment. "Infernal three-week late repair - Donna!"

He had not, naturally, been referring to any failure on Donna's part to repair something, nor had he expected to find her outside his door at eleven PM on a Sunday, but there she was. Just about to bang impatiently on his door again.

"Hi," she said casually.

"You're at my apartment," he said lamely.

"Very astute of you, Joshua."

His brow furrowed. "And you're - wet."

"It's raining," she replied calmly, seemingly unperturbed by the fact that water was literally running down her face and dripping from her hair and clothes.

"Um, what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" After a long silence she sighed. "Apparently not. I was running in this neighborhood because I like to jog around the Capitol and then I kind of wandered out of my usual way and then it started pouring and I was going to head for the Metro stop but you never know what can happen to those things in thunderstorms, and so..."

"Those things?" Josh asked, smiling slightly.

"You know, electrical things."

"Electrical things? Like the how-many-years-old underground DC Metro system?"

She gave him a look. "You never know, Joshua. Anyway, I was going to run into a store or something to wait it out, but obviously they're all closed, so . . ."

"Donna?" he interrupted. "This may be a silly question, but - could you possibly get any wetter? I mean really, in however long it takes you to run home from here, is there any way you could be wetter than you are already?"

"Um," she said, looking slightly embarrassed. "I, uh - I'm really afraid of thunderstorms."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really. I wasn't going to stay out there in that - I mean, things get struck by lightning and trees fall on people and I am wearing rubber-soled shoes but you still never know -"

"Donna," he said, knowing that if he didn't cut her off soon she'd launch into thunderstorm death statistics. "Come in." She took two steps into the apartment and he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Actually, no, don't. Stay here."

"Stay here?" she repeated, hurt. "Joshua -"

"You're dripping," he said plaintively. "Hang on, I'll get you a towel."

"Well thanks," she replied sarcastically.

"I'm getting you some sweats or something so you can change," he called from his bedroom, ignoring her tone. "I don't want you dying of pneumonia in my living room." He reappeared with a armful of towels and sweats. "Bad press, you know."

"CJ would be scandalized," Donna replied dryly. "Hand me a towel so I can step off this one tile that's already wet."

"Here. You know where the bathroom is, right?" She raised an eyebrow and he conceded. "Stupid question."

A moment later she reappeared, blonde hair towel-dried and no longer actually dripping, wet running clothes exchanged for a pair of his sweats. Josh grinned.

"What?" she asked tightly.

"You look like CJ does your shopping," he responded, still smiling. "Or like you're wearing her clothes - it's a toss-up."

Donna pulled at the much-too-large sweatshirt and finally smiled. "Yeah, well I also look like I went to Yale."

An alarming picture suddenly jumped into Josh's mind. He had a vision of himself very casually, comfortably even, sitting down on the couch with Donna and pulling her into his arms to warm her up, pulling her wet hair back from her face... He shook his head forcefully, banishing the weird thought to whence it came. "You want some tea?" he asked.

"No coffee?" she asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

"No sugar," he replied. "But tea goes well with honey."

"You have honey and no sugar?"

"What?"

"That's just weird, Josh."

"That's why you love me." The words had just slipped out. It didn't mean anything, they both knew, but it made for an uncomfortable pause all the same.

"So I love you?" Donna asked teasingly.

"You can't help yourself," he replied in the same tone. Crisis over. Banter resumed.

"Does it look like it's letting up?" Donna asked as he returned from putting on the pot of water.

He peered out the window. "Not really. Have some tea and then I'll drive you home."

"Josh, you don't have to..."

"Do you have any intention of leaving my apartment on foot or subway while this storm continues?"

"No."

"Then my only hope of ever getting you out of here is clearly to drive you myself." He had, contrary to appearances, learned his lesson about comments like that. He softened this one with a warm smile, the kind he reserved just for special moments.

Donna smiled back. Her smile abruptly faded as her mind thoroughly and completely shocked her. She had a sudden, uncontrollable vision of herself leaning forward and kissing Josh - not her boss, but Josh - as acknowledgement that she understood and appreciated the sentiment just expressed. The utter inappropriateness of such a gesture did not escape her, and her eyes widened.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sounding concerned. "You look like you just remembered that you forgot to feed the cats."

"Oh, God. I should not be here," she said. What had she been thinking? Thunderstorm or no thunderstorm, she'd shown up at her boss's apartment soaking wet and just about begging for him to take care of her? "I've absolutely lost my mind," she said aloud.

"Um, Donna?" he asked. "I'm not gonna argue with you on that one, but you are aware that I'm still here, right?"

"Huh?" Too late she realized she'd been rambling out loud. "Cats," she said abruptly.

"The musical?"

"I did forget to feed them." She winced. That sounded weak.

"I'm sure they'll live."

"They're leaving, you know." Thank God, a change in subject presented itself.

Josh brightened. "The cats?"

She glared. "You're not at my apartment often enough for it to concern you. Yes, the cats are moving out. Or rather, my roommate's moving out and her cats are going with her."

He frowned. "Will you be able to keep the apartment?"

"No." She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "It's not a big deal, I'm moving to a smaller one downstairs that somebody just moved out of. I'm just not sure I want to be alone."

"You don't like privacy?"

"I don't like the idea of me living alone in DC," she confessed. "And it's not the greatest neighborhood."

"I could have told you that," he said. "Actually, I have told you that."

She fought the childish urge to stick her tongue out at him.

"Are you really scared?" he asked seriously.

"Not that much, I guess," she replied, sounding uncertain. "It'll just be - quiet. Lonely and quiet."

He nodded, looking thoughtful. An idea had just begun to blossom. A good one.


	4. Chesapeake 4

 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh.  
**Author's Note:** For the sake of my plotline, the events of "The Portland Trip" took place after Josh and Donna's fight in Parts 1 and 2 but before the running-in-the-rain incident, since the placement of TPT before Thanksgiving clearly tells us it takes place before December. Yes, I figured that one out all by myself. 

* * *

By Christmas Eve the bullpen had been festively decorated with strings of colored lights and the occasional pine wreath. Josh had complained for days after Donna brought in the real woven wreath hanging near her desk, because the sap had (as sap will do) gotten all over her hands and he claimed she smelled like a pine tree. Donna preferred to think of that as a compliment. She also referred numerous times to his claims of being an outdoorsman, to which he generally responded by slamming his office door with her still on the outside of it.

As seven PM approached on the twenty-fourth, Josh noticed his assistant hovering anxiously around his desk, the bullpen, his desk again, until he was beginning to get dizzy. He also noticed that she was wearing some sort of perfume that he didn't recognize - a nice, gentle scent that was really perfect for her but disturbed him with its unfamiliarity. He also couldn't help noticing that her hair seemed different today - he wasn't sure he could put his finger on how, but definitely different.

"Are you in a hurry?" he asked finally on one of her trips into his office.

She looked up, surprised, from a pile of papers. "No?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Was that a statement or a question?"

"Are you really going to keep me late on Christmas Eve?"

His eyes narrowed further. "Do you have a date?"

"Does it matter?"

"Are you going to tell me, or not?"

"Is it really any of your business?"

"Have you ever seen 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead?'" he asked finally in frustration.

She hesitated for a fraction of a second. "Why do you ask?"

He broke out laughing. "You win. I should have known not to mess with someone who majored in everything." She smiled broadly at him and he added in the glow of her approval, "You really do look particularly good this evening. Were you planning on going out?" Please say no, he prayed - and then reprimanded himself for that thought. It was none of his business.

"No?" she replied uncertainly.

"You don't know, or you're lying?"

She sat down on the corner of his desk and slumped a little. "Both."

He surprised both of them by asking, "You want to talk about it?"

She looked up, eyebrows lifted slightly. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really. But get off my desk."

Obediently she slid down off the desk and dropped into the chair in front of it. "He called me again."

"By the emphasis on the pronoun I assume we're referring to Tom the boring insurance lobbyist?"

"Todd," she corrected. "And I didn't say he was boring."

"No, you said he was full of himself without much reason to be," he quoted almost directly.

"He is," she replied with a resigned sigh.

"Then why are you..."

"I didn't say I was," she answered. "I haven't decided yet. He's apparently forgiven me for being terrible company, not laughing at his admittedly awful jokes, and leaving after an hour, but I'm not sure whether I want to see him again."

"Forgive me for intruding, but you sounded pretty sure that you didn't want to see him again."

"Forgive you for intruding?" she echoed. "I bet you have to say that pretty often."

He glared.

"Oh, what, you never intrude on my life? The part where you told me I was so focused on being coupled with someone that I had no self-worth, that wasn't intruding?"

Josh winced. "No, that was harsh and I'm sorry for saying it, but it was over a month ago. And at the time I was in a bad frame of mind, I was . . ." He trailed off. Had he really been about to say 'jealous?' Not a good plan. "I was tired." Sure, that was convincing.

"What were you going to say?"

"What?"

"When you asked to be forgiven for intruding - on which, by the way, I'm withholding judgement until I hear what you have to say."

He nodded. "That's fair. I was going to say that you deserve a hell of a lot better than a guy you openly admit to not liking, but who you're settling for just because he's there."

Her look had turned to an odd combination of pain and absolute ice. "Well, Josh, if I deserve so much better than why don't I have it?" she asked rhetorically. "I'm getting out of here."

"With him?"

She turned on him furiously. "Does it matter?" she asked slowly, emphasizing each word.

He stood up, matching her stance and looking her in the eye. "Yes, it matters."

She leaned forward and lowered her voice dangerously. "Why?" she asked, her tone tight with barely restrained anger.

He threw his arms up in the air. "What do you want me to say, Donna? Because I get the feeling that you're expecting something from me here, and I don't know what it is, except that everything I say to you seems to be wrong!" He was getting nervous. Contrary to his declaration, he knew exactly what she was talking about. They both did. This had been coming for a long time, but he was trying desperately to put it off for a bit longer. Something told him that if they had this conversation now, they'd screw up. Big time.

She didn't answer. She didn't have to. She glared. They stared each other down for a long moment. Finally he stepped out from behind his desk and advanced on her slowly.

"You and I both know," he said quietly but firmly, "that we can't - we shouldn't have this conversation right now." He paused, crafting his next words carefully. "I know you're lonely. And I know exactly how much of that is my fault. But we can't talk about this now while we're both so on edge. We'll only end up fighting and neither of us wants that."

Donna nodded and sighed in resignation. "I'm going," she said softly.

He nodded soberly. "I'll call you in the morning." He paused and added, "Not too early."

A look of comprehension passed between them and she said calmly, "Why don't you just ask?"

He wanted to look away from her but he held her gaze anyway. "Are you going to go out with him?"

She took a deep breath. "No."

He nodded. "Okay." A pause. "Not because of what I said?"

"No," she reassured him.

"Okay."

"I'm going to go, now."

He nodded again. "Goodnight. Merry Christmas."

She turned back as she started to leave. "You'll call tomorrow?"

"I'll call tomorrow."

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" He had returned to his desk and was shifting slowly through a stack of papers.

She stopped, framed in his doorway. "Call early."

He nodded. "Okay."


	5. Chesapeake 5

 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh. 

* * *

Josh hesitated outside the door to the apartment building, alternately looking suspiciously up at the second-floor window and glaring at the group of potential hoodlums standing on the corner. She had said she wasn't going out with him, but on the other hand he frequently couldn't tell when Donna was lying. He frowned and decided to play it safe. He had made sure to change the number on his speed dial when she changed apartments. He hadn't gotten around to telling her that he only changed it after accidentally greeting the new tenant of 3B - a large man named Lou - with, "Don't say a word, just tell me where my pants are." Lou had been terribly amused. Josh had been too mortified even to call Donna's new number, especially since he had tripped over the missing pants as he paced around his apartment trying to explain to Lou that his assistant had stolen his suit and taken it to the cleaners. He didn't think Lou had bought it. In fact, he was praying right now that he did not run into Lou on the front steps of this building. And it was taking Donna a very long time to pick up the phone. Josh began to sweat.

"Hello?" She didn't sound even remotely sleepy.

"Where were you?" he demanded. "The phone rang like nine times."

"In the shower," she said, sounding angry and defensive. Damn. This was not how he'd intended for this to go.

"Sorry," he apologized sincerely. "Look - I'm on your front steps. Okay if I come up?"

"You're on my front steps?" A shade went flying up just above him and a blonde head appeared behind the window. Josh waved sheepishly. "Hi," he said into the cell phone.

"Why are you calling from my front steps?"

He blushed. "I wanted to make sure you were - awake."

"You wanted to make sure I was alone."

"Same thing?" he tried.

"I don't make a habit of lying to you," she said. She sounded hurt. This was bad.

"Look, I was just trying to respect your privacy. I didn't mean anything by it. Can I come up, please?"

He heard her sigh on the other end. "Sure."

She opened the door looking unbelievably put-together for eight AM Christmas morning. She was wearing flannel pants and a light-colored T-shirt that Josh discovered to his great consternation he could almost see through. Her long hair was still damp from the shower, but her eyes were clear and wide-open and he smelled coffee.

"What are you doing up so early?" he asked, peering past her into the new apartment. It was - small.

"What are you doing up?" she countered. "You don't have work, and it's not a holiday for you."

"You said I should call early," he reminded her, a little embarrassed. "Why are you up?"

She blushed faintly and tried to pretend she wasn't. "Waiting for you to call."

He spread his arms with a little smile. "Here I am."

"I see that." Not exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for. She stepped back from the door. "Come in."

"Hold on." He reached behind him in the hallway and picked up the large red-wrapped cardboard box he'd set on the floor. "Merry Christmas," he said cheerfully, handing it to Donna.

She took the box gingerly and walked into the apartment, leaving him to follow her and close the door. "What is it?"

He sighed in mock frustration. "Why don't you open it and find out?"

She gave him a suspicious look, then set the box on her coffee table and examined it. She discovered that the lid came off and lifted it gently. Immediately her hand flew to her mouth and she stared into the box, speechless.

"I remembered what you said, about being lonely," Josh said, watching her reaction with a smile on his face. Her eyes widened and he added, "There's a note."

"Oh, Lord," she said, meeting his eyes. "You and your notes."

"Are you going to cry?" he asked jokingly, watching her slip his note out of its envelope. She didn't read it aloud, but he knew every word by heart. It had taken him an hour to get it exactly right.

"Donnatella,

Like I said last night, I know you're lonely sometimes and I know exactly how much of that is my fault. I was hoping this would help with some of the lonely times, but I also want to give you something else, something I probably should have given you long ago but was too unsure. I'm offering you my support, not just as your boss, but as a friend. I'm offering you not only the respect you deserve, but my company if you want it and also my love. One of the things I regret most about this past year is not letting you know how important you are to me, and I intend to change that. Merry Christmas, from both of us.

Love, Josh.

PS - His name is Chesapeake. The mother's owner named him, but I thought it was appropriate."

Donna lifted her eyes to meet his, and the tears started to spill over. "I knew you were going to cry," he said, smiling gently.

"You do this on purpose, don't you?" she accused, setting the note down and wiping furiously at her eyes.

"Yes," he replied.

She shook her head and grinned ruefully. "Now I'm going to have to hug you."

He tilted his head to the side and gave her a charming look. "I admit I was kind of counting on that."

Donna had a habit of hugging him, when she did hug him, spontaneously and rather forcefully, but this time was different. Instead of flinging herself on him she stepped closer slowly and wrapped her arms gently around his neck. He slipped his arms carefully and deliberately around her waist and pulled her closer, cradling her head against his chest with one hand and resting his chin on her shoulder. After a silent moment he pulled her even closer, holding her tighter, and kissed the side of her forehead so lightly she almost thought she'd imagined it.

For what seemed like an eternity neither wanted to move. Finally Donna, with a tiny sigh of regret, pulled back and whispered, "Thank you."

He knew she wasn't only talking about his gift, but it was safer to react as if she were. "You're welcome."

She reached down into the box and lifted out a tiny blue-grey kitten, barely old enough to leave its mother. She held it up in front of her and laughed as it scrutinized her thoughtfully. "Hey there, little guy," she said, touching its nose with her fingertip.

"I think he likes you," Josh said, smiling and reaching over to rub the kitten's head. "And as an extra added attraction, he doesn't hate me."

"He fits in my hand," Donna exclaimed in wonder. "Look."

Josh stepped closer to facilitate petting the kitten, coincidentally slipping his free arm around Donna's shoulders in the process. "So you like each other?"

"I think it's love," Donna said, laughing, as the kitten licked her thumb.

"Good." He hugged her closer to him for a brief moment and then said, "Well, it's eight-thirty and you were going to go to church at nine, weren't you?"

She looked at him in amazement. "You remembered that?"

"I do listen to you occasionally," he teased. "I'll get going and let you change and bond with this little guy."

"Chesapeake, huh?" she asked, touching her nose to the cat's. "You're right, it does seem appropriate."

He squeezed her arm quickly. "I'll talk to you later."

"Josh?" she called as he turned to leave.

"Yeah?"

She paused for a second as if reconsidering and then plunged forward. "Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" he echoed stupidly.

She nodded. "It's just, I'm going to cook anyway, and I know you're Jewish and all but it is Christmas and I really don't feel like being alone . . ."

"I'd love to," he interrupted. "What time?"

"Seven?"

He nodded. "I'll be here." Then he left her crooning to the kitten and returned, whistling, to his car. He grinned and waved to the potential hoodlums as he drove past.

By the time seven o'clock rolled around Josh was again standing on Donna's doorstep, holding a bottle of red wine and looking nervously up at Big Lou's window. Thankfully Donna let him in quickly and ushered him back into the apartment, where he was greeted with a tiny cry from Chesapeake. "Hey there," he said gently, scratching the kitten under the chin. It purred and pawed at his arm. "You want to be picked up? Okay." He scooped the kitten into his arms and handed Donna the bottle of wine. "I think this cat is going to be spoiled."

"You bet," Donna said cheerfully. "Does red wine go with turkey?"

He shrugged. "Maybe?"

"It does now." She left him in the living room and returned to the tiny kitchen.

"Anything I can do?" he called, wandering after her with a handful of kitten.

"Like I'm letting you anywhere near my kitchen," she replied.

He leaned against the counter, stroking the cat and watching her arrange things. She had either left her church clothes on all day or changed for him, he couldn't decide which, but she looked lovely in a long black skirt and simple dark green shirt that made her fair hair glow. She had the same look of concentration on her face that she often wore at work, and he smiled at how adorable it made her look, and how young.

Finally she turned around and acknowledged him staring at her. "What?"

"Just watching," he replied comfortably. "You look nice."

"Thank you," she replied easily. Whatever tension there had been between them seemed to have dissipated slightly - Josh wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed. "I see you found the pants I had cleaned."

He tried hard not to blush. "Um, yeah. I found them."

"And you didn't even call me to ask where they were. I'm impressed, Joshua."

He had to hide his face. Fortunately she didn't seem to notice.

Dinner was a relaxed affair. They managed to cover numerous topics, including high school, college, family, and vacations, without ever touching sensitive subjects like personal relationships. The kitten rubbed against their feet and made them laugh, and they drank exactly two glasses of wine each before Donna pointed out that they had to work the next day and she did not want Josh passed out drunk on her couch. By ten o'clock he was gathering his coat and she was walking him to the door, and he was counting his blessings that the evening had been so uneventful. Friendship, appreciation, and closeness he was ready to give her, but earlier they had seemed to be hovering on a brink that scared him.

His fear seemed unnecessary. At the door she hesitated for a moment before hugging him, but it was a friendly gesture and less emotional than their embrace earlier that morning. He smiled and told her he'd see her in the morning, and once more returned satisfied to his car.

* * * * * * * * * * *

On December 31st, to make up for forcing the staff to come in, the White House threw them a quiet, private New Year's Eve party between ten in the evening and one AM. The President and his family, the senior staff, their assistants, and their families and guests milled pleasantly around the decorated rooms, sharing champagne and waiting to ring in 2001 together. Sam Seaborne and CJ Cregg stood off to one side near the bar, arguing about whether this was actually the start of the new millennium or not. Toby Ziegler was seated on a sofa actually having what looked from afar like a civil conversation with Ainsley Hayes, of all people. Leo McGarry's assistant Margaret had escaped the cluster of assistants and was talking animatedly to Leo about something in which he was pretending to show an interest, because he really did love Margaret and it was a holiday. President Bartlet was reveling in the company of both his wife and two of his daughters. The only people conspicuously absent were Josh and Donna, and they were stapling.

Literally. No office euphemisms here. They were stapling. Senator Hardigan was prepared to introduce a new White House-supported bill at the opening of Congress, but he wanted to be able to read it immediately. Josh had been standing in the wrong place at the wrong time - right in Leo's line of vision - when this news was delivered, and therefore he and Donna were saddled with the task of compiling the proposed legislation.

They were almost finished by dinnertime, and by working straight through they managed to be only an hour late to the party. On their way down the hall, still talking excitedly about the bill they had just spent hours organizing, they were stopped by a familiar voice.

"Josh! Donna!"

They stopped together in the middle of the hall and turned to find Washington Post reporter Danny Concannon standing behind them.

"Hi, guys," he said casually.

"Danny, what are you doing here?" Josh asked suspiciously.

"Nice dress, Donna," Danny said.

"Thanks."

"Danny, what are you doing here?" Josh repeated.

"Surprising CJ," Donna guessed immediately.

Danny ignored Josh and turned to his eager assistant. "Want to help?"

"Harassing CJ, maybe. Bothering her. Torturing her," Josh listed dryly.

"What can I do?" Donna asked after whacking him in the arm.

"Send her to her office at midnight," Danny said deviously.

Donna beamed and was clearly about to gush with emotion. Josh clapped his hand over her mouth. "If I promise to help, will you please refrain from remarking how sweet that is?" Donna nodded behind his hand, her eyes sparkling.

"Good." He released her and turned to Danny. "If CJ decides to murder you, I'll help her hide the body," he warned.

"Fair enough," the reporter laughed.

Josh gave Donna a little shove on the back. "Go on ahead, I'll let him into CJ's office."

After she was gone and the two men were wandering back down the hall, Danny stopped Josh and asked, "So what's up?"

"What's up?"

Danny nodded. "With you and Donna. I mean, since I met you you've been connected at the hip, but you seem more so lately."

Josh glared at him. "Donna's my assistant. She assists. That requires that we be seen together occasionally."

Danny stopped again and looked at him seriously. "Off the record?" There was a long pause and finally Danny asked, "Are you okay, Josh?"

Josh nodded.

"Is it Donna?"

He paused, then nodded again very slowly.

A look of comprehension passed over Danny's face and he nodded in response. "I see. Nothing really has happened between you - but you think it might?"

Josh opened and closed his mouth a few times, having difficulty finding words. "I don't know," he finally stammered. "I'm afraid something might happen - I'm afraid it's already too late, it's already happening..."

"You're afraid?" Danny repeated. "Of what?"

"Danny, think - having an affair with my assistant? And even if it wasn't a horrible idea professionally, what if -"

"What if you mess up and you lose Donna?"

Josh sighed. "Exactly. Plus - I'm not really even sure that I have feelings for her. I know I love her - a lot - but I don't know if I love her that way."

Danny leaned against the wall thoughtfully. "Well, first of all, it wouldn't really be just having an affair with your assistant, would it?"

Josh gave him a confused look.

Danny rephrased. "If you were to have a relationship with Donna, would you characterize it as an affair?"

"No," Josh admitted. "That sounds kind of cheap."

"Of course it does," Danny replied. "Second of all, you'd have the press on your side. Me. Plus everyone else loves Donna too. It wouldn't be so bad."

"Is there a third thing?" Josh asked tiredly.

"Yeah, come to think of it," Danny replied. "How often do you get a shot at something really good?"

"Not often," Josh conceded, thinking of Mandy Hampton and Joey Lucas, among others.

Danny nodded. "Then if Donna and you are good together, you have to go for it. You don't want to know what it's like to suddenly find yourself without her, if she's the one you want." He smiled a little sadly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go lie in wait for CJ."

"She's not going to change her mind easily," Josh warned, and they both knew he meant CJ this time.

"I know that," Danny replied, "but midnight gives us an excuse, and we both need something to tide us over."

"Until when?" Josh asked, feeling the other man's sadness.

Danny smiled. "Reelection?"


	6. Chesapeake 6

 

**Chesapeake**

**by: Allison**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Summary:** Donna's getting really fed up at Josh. 

* * *

As Josh entered the room where the President's party was being held, he smiled fondly at the sight before him. His eyes immediately located Donna, chatting with Margaret and receiving frankly adoring smiles from Leo for distracting his assistant. Actually, he noticed that Leo wasn't the only man in the room sending admiring looks Donna's way - most of the men present glanced over at her occasionally and couldn't resist staring. She did look positively beautiful in a plain but stunning black cocktail dress that left her shoulders and back bare and ended just below her knees. Josh dragged his eyes away from her, still trying to sense exactly how he felt, and looked for friends to hide with for a while so he could think. He walked up behind CJ, waving over her shoulder at Sam.

"Hey, Josh," his best friend greeted him. "Finally finished?"

"Finally," Josh replied, sighing dramatically.

"It's a nice party," Sam commented as Josh drew nearer.

He nodded in agreement, taking a champagne flute from a tray and slipping an arm around CJ's waist. She turned to smile at him in surprise and he said teasingly, "Yeah, New Year's, champagne, and a beautiful woman - who could ask for anything more?"

"You really are sweet," CJ commented warmly, hugging him back with one arm. "Delusional, but sweet. Where's Donna?"

"With Leo and Margaret," Josh replied casually. "And who says I'm delusional? Sam, I ask you - is this a beautiful woman we have before us?"

"Amen," Sam said in approval, raising his glass.

"See?" Josh said to CJ, who was beginning to blush.

"Thanks, you guys," she laughed. She ruffled Josh's hair affectionately. "You're good friends."

Josh shook his head. "Now, now, Ms. Cregg, I disapprove of the notion that we must be good friends in order to think that you're beautiful." He stepped back and held her at arm's length while she turned beet red. "Yes, after performing a completely unbiased appraisal, I say again that you look not only beautiful but also striking -"

"Definitely," Sam agreed.

" - sparkling - "

"Yes."

" - and - " he fought for another adjective " - willowy."

"Oh yes," Sam said vehemently.

CJ shook her head. "You guys."

Josh smiled. "Learn to take a compliment, CJ." He gave her hand a squeeze and said, "Let's go join the President."

President Bartlet was just gearing up for a speech, they recognized that as soon as they sat down in the circle of couches. Toby and Ainsley slid to opposite ends of the couch they'd been occupying, allowing Josh and CJ to slip in between them. Sam perched himself on the arm of the couch beside Ainsley and smiled down at her when she looked up to see who he was. Leo, Margaret, and Donna saw the inner circle gathering and wandered over, the two assistants hanging back from what looked like a senior staff moment. Their bosses put an end to that immediately. Leo moved over on a loveseat and gestured for Margaret to join him, which she did with a broad smile. Josh hastily dove over Toby, earning himself suspicious looks from both CJ and the First Lady, and seated himself on the other arm, motioning for Toby to scoot over so that Donna could settle into the corner of the couch between them. She gave Josh a look that combined curiosity, gratitude, and affection, and he rested a hand casually on her shoulder. She covered it with her own and they shared a smile before turning their attention to the President.

Jed Bartlet started to speak about the events of the past year, but Josh wasn't listening. He was still trying to make up his mind how he felt about Donna. Certainly he enjoyed her company, and it always felt so good to be near her and to touch her, but then he enjoyed being near CJ as well and had absolutely no idea of being in love with her. Then of course there was the question of whether Donna really had romantic feelings toward him, or thought of him instead as a friendly big-brother figure or something equally platonic.

"Josh."

He looked up, startled. He realized that mercifully the President had not called him because he noticed that Josh wasn't paying attention, but that this was part of the speech.

"Josh," President Bartlet continued, "you still bring the same idealism and force that you've always brought to this administration. You know there are times when we all feed off of you. When we thought we might lose you this year, well the world just about stopped. I won't say more than that because I see I'm about to make Donna cry, but we love you, Josh." The President paused and smiled at his Deputy Chief of Staff, who was busy turning bright red. "And we also love the woman who keeps you in line." The leader of the free world then began a night filled with appreciation and friendship by coming and lovingly kissing Donna's forehead, smoothing her hair back as he would with one of his own daughters. He stood and embraced a surprised Josh, whispering, "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, sir," Josh responded. Donna's eyes were suspiciously wet, and he believed his might be as well.

The President spoke almost until midnight, thanking individually each of the staff, praising their skills and accomplishments, and reiterating constantly how much he needed them. He kissed all the assistants, thanking Margaret for "taking care of my best friend," pressed a gentle kiss to Ainsley's cheek - which moved her so much, even coming from a Democratic President, that she started to cry, and actually lifted CJ off the couch to hug her tightly and tell her "I only tease you because I love you so much, Claudia Jean." Jed hugged all of his male staff as well, praising Sam and Toby for their vision, and thanking Leo for "another year of keeping me going." At eleven fifty-five he stopped, saying, "And now the time approaches. As I prefer to speak with my family a little less publicly, and I'm sure you all have New Year's greetings to exchange, let's wait for midnight together in relative quiet, shall we? One more thing," he added, looking out over his staff with tears forming in his eyes, "We all know what we almost lost this year. Let me suggest that we take this time to make a first resolution, to tell the people in our lives what they mean to us while we can. Happy New Year, everyone."

In the four remaining minutes till midnight Josh sat silently, his hand still resting on Donna's shoulder, taking deep breaths and sorting through his feelings. Should he? Should he not? He could sense that the moment of truth would be forced soon, and that there was nothing he could do to put it off further - to ignore this now might be catastrophic.

While he was struggling with his feelings, he happened to glance over and catch sight of Ainsley, sitting in the opposite corner of the couch and looking \- enraptured. There was no other word for it. The sight of the President she had personally attacked before coming to work for him, kissing his staff and expressing not only his professional respect but his personal love for all of them, had floored her. Sam noticed Josh staring and slipped off the arm of the couch to come and talk to him.

"You know," Sam whispered, one hand on Josh's shoulder and the other on Donna's, "it wasn't even when he kissed her that she started to cry."

"Ainsley?" asked Donna, who hadn't been watching her.

Sam nodded. "It was when he hugged CJ. Ainsley saw that and completely lost it."

"I can understand that," Josh said thoughtfully. "I've always thought the President and CJ had a very touching relationship - and to someone who's given to hero worship, as we all know Ainsley rather is, I can see where that would be very affecting."

Donna reached up and tugged at Sam's jacket. When he looked down at her she smiled and said, "You know, Sam, I think I like her."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sam asked almost defensively.

Donna's smile grew wider. "No reason."

"One minute, everybody," Abigail Bartlet announced, looking at her watch. Sam nodded to Josh and tried to be casual about walking back over to Ainsley's end of the couch. CJ reached over and patted Toby's knee affectionately, and he scowled at her before giving up and smiling back.

A watch alarm went off somewhere and people began to shout, "Happy New Year!" Toby managed to abandon his gruff exterior long enough to give CJ a chaste kiss before going in search of his assistants. Sam thoroughly planned on giving Ainsley a simple kiss on the cheek, but instead shocked them both by kissing her on the lips and leaving her with her eyebrows raised in surprise. Donna had given Josh a stay of execution by slipping over to kiss Leo and Sam first, so Josh went first to CJ and held out his arms. They shared a sweet, platonic kiss and hugged each other tightly. "I love you, Claudia," Josh whispered sincerely, stroking her hair affectionately. "Now go to your office."

CJ pulled back and looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Trust me. Your office."

Realization dawned and she glared at him. "Joshua..."

He covered her mouth with his hand and smiled. "I promised. Now run along."

She gave him one last glare before exiting the room at a respectable pace.

"Josh."

At the sound of her voice behind him, he closed his eyes and prayed for inspiration. Should he or shouldn't he? He turned and smiled as best he could. "Donna."

She took a step toward him and hesitated, and he knew there was no other way. If he backed down now she might be irreparably insulted. He held out his arms and crossed the distance between them, vowing to keep it short and safe. He hugged her gently and then gave her the most nonromantic kiss possible, holding her hands as he did so to prevent her feeling dismissed.

It didn't work. He could see from her expression that she'd been expecting something more - he couldn't blame her. He'd kissed CJ with more feeling. Suddenly the floor threatened to swallow him. He squeezed her hands one more time before releasing them and muttering, "Excuse me." He fled the room before she could say a word.

Once in his office he closed the door, stood by the window, and began to count. He had reached thirty when the door swung open and then closed again behind Donna.

He turned and they looked at each other. The silence was so loud that it rang in his ears. He could feel the tension radiating between them. His chest tightened. He felt that if she didn't say something soon he might die.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, obviously trying to control her voice.

He held onto the desk, now fully aware that nothing short of complete honesty would do. He felt lightheaded and in danger of collapsing. "I chickened out," he said simply.

She raised an eyebrow. "You chickened out?"

"Yes."

"I'm that frightening?"

"Donna..."

"No, seriously - the Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States got scared because he had to kiss his assistant on New Year's?"

"Donna, it isn't that simple and you know it!" he said, gripping the desk for support.

"Tell me then," she demanded, leaning against the wall.

He took a deep breath. "Donna, I - I've - I've been - " He paused and started over, taking big deep breaths to control the panicked sobs that were about to break out. "I don't know how to do this."

She stood up straighter, looking alarmed. "Josh, are you sick?" she asked worriedly.

He shook his head. "No. No. Just let me get this out, okay?" At her nod he tried again. "This - this thing between us, I know you must have felt it too - I've seen it when you - well - " He waved his hands, trying to clarify his thoughts. "Somewhere along the line things changed between you and me, and all of a sudden you wanted something from me and I didn't know what it was, and when I figured out what it was it scared me." He met her eyes and winced at her hard expression. "It scared me because I was so afraid of taking that step, I was so scared it would - tear us apart, and - and for the last few months I've felt like we've been coming closer and closer to that point and part of me wanted us to get there so badly, I can't even describe \- but the other part was still so afraid we'd screw up - that I'd screw up, because I always do..." He stopped to take a few more deep breaths. "And I was afraid I'd hurt - that I had hurt you already, and that I could only make it worse - I was afraid - and then tonight..." He rubbed his face with his hands, not knowing how he was going to get through this. "Tonight I realized that there was no avoiding the issue anymore, because my feelings for you were too strong and we'd already progressed to the point where there was no turning back, without either of us even realizing it, and I knew - " He looked her firmly in the eye and forced the sentence out. "I knew that if I kissed you in there I would not be able to stop."

Donna closed her eyes and leaned against the wall for support. She didn't speak for a long time, and when she finally did she said wearily, "Tell me how you feel." She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Donna..."

"I need to know, Joshua," she said firmly, her voice beginning to tremble. "You said it yourself, there's no going back now. I need to know."

He closed his eyes and let the dizziness take over and then the words flowed out so easily. "I love you so much," he whispered.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, and she was taking deep breaths to match his. "How can I be sure?" she asked tremulously. "There have been times when I thought I knew it, but then there were times when you said such things to me - when I was sure I didn't matter..."

He stepped closer, but not enough to get out from behind the desk. "I've said unforgivable things to you out of jealousy," he said softly, and then added ironically, "and now I'm asking you to forgive them because I tell you I love you. And that isn't fair. But it's the truth, and that's the best I can do."

She nodded. "Okay," she said. Then suddenly she covered her face with her hands and started to cry in earnest.

That, oddly enough, broke the tension. Donna as a lover he did not know how to deal with, but Donna crying he could handle. He crossed the room in two steps and gathered her into his arms, whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She pulled back and smacked his arm, saying through her tears, "Stop apologizing, you idiot."

He grinned and wiped his own eyes dry. "Okay, that's it, verdict rendered - I make women cry."

She laughed out loud and rubbed her hands across her face. Meeting his eyes, she smiled and said, "Now this is weird."

"Yes, it is," he agreed. Taking one last deep breath, he reached out and cradled the side of her face with his hand, then slipped it down to caress her neck. She shivered at his touch and tensed with nervousness.

"Should we try this again?" he asked quietly.

She nodded and reached with trembling hands for his shoulders.

Their lips brushed softly at first, but then Josh interpreted her hand cradling the back of his head as tacit permission to deepen the kiss. He pulled her as close to him as he could manage, pouring all the love, tension, and confusion of the last few months into this one moment. When they finally broke apart they both had to stop and catch their breath. Josh leaned his forehead against hers and whispered again, "I love you."

She closed her eyes and replied, "I love you, too."

He smiled in abject joy and relief and pulled her head to his shoulder, hugging her tightly. "I didn't expect that."

"You didn't?" she questioned, resting comfortably against his chest.

"No." He kissed her forehead fondly. "But I could stand hearing it a couple hundred more times."

She smiled even though he couldn't see her. "And you call me emotional."

He let himself bask a few more seconds in the feel of her hair against his cheek and then asked, "You want to get out of here?"

She looked startled for a moment, then smiled gently and nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay."

The hallways of the West Wing were empty and Josh held her hand shamelessly as they walked from his office. As they passed CJ's office, though, he noticed that her door had been left open a crack. They exchanged mischievous looks and crept quietly to the open slot.

Donna's hand slipped into his again. Danny Concannon was kissing CJ very cautiously and gently, their hands entwined but their bodies not quite touching. Both looked as if they might have been crying as well.

Josh tugged at Donna's hand and pulled her away from the door. "Come on," he whispered when they were out of earshot. "Let's let them work it out."

She nodded and smiled lovingly at him. He leaned his head against hers and whispered, "Let's go." They walked out of the Wing in step as always, hand in hand.


End file.
